Warning: This post will be all over the place because my emotions are all over the place. So bare with me as I try to explain things and make some points (that I am sure will be all jumbled).
Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) isn't something every mother is able to do. In fact, very few are actually lucky and blessed enough to be able to. Most people would say "If you have the chance, DO IT!!" But for me, it's not that simple!
After being home with my baby for 12 weeks, I came back to work for three days the week of Christmas and those days were really tough but not HORRIBLE because I knew Addison was with her daddy. Then I had a week and a half with her but on Jan 4th, I came back to work and Addison had her first day at the in home daycare she is staying in and I've been a WRECK since! Now I realize I have only been doing this "working mom" thing for 4 days now, but I am a mess! I've cried everyday... on my way to work... on my way to the gym... after picking her up... at night in Adam's arm... lots of tears!
Here's the situation I am in. Since October Adam and I have been living off of only his salary and saving mine. We did that to see how it was without my salary so we had an idea of what it would be like if I were a SAHM. It was a HUGE change. BIG! But not completely undoable!
Let me explain what this would do to our "extracurricular activities"...
- no more shopping for me (thank goodness for my mom and our sprees she takes me on sometimes)
- maybe eating out once or twice a month at the most
- no more "fixing" up our house (would require months of planning and saving)
- no more vacations (would require planning way in advance)
- no more "extras"
We would both have to give up a lot. I don't even think it's hit me how much it would change our lives. It's hard to comprehend for me.
This decision would be BEYOND easy is Adam just said "I'm sorry honey, but you have to work. We can't make it without your salary!" I would be sad and pout a little but suck it up and get over it and figure out how to be a good wife and mother! BUT, what Adam says to me is "You have to make this decision honey. I don't want you to resent me when you want to go shopping and you can't! We can make it off of my salary but it will require a lot of cut backs!" Adam would LOVE for me to stay at home with Addison but he wants me to make the decision. We both know she is in great care at this daycare but it's not her mother's care, you know?
Let me say, I DO want to be a stay at home mom. BAD BAD BAD! But I have MAJOR anxiety over quitting my job. Let me say, I don't make TONS of money, but it's always kind of been our "extra" money. I know NOTHING can compare to being at home with my daughter! I KNOW THAT! It's the uncertainty of everything that scares me the most. This economy scares the CRAP out of me!
Let me explain something else, I have never led a life of LOTS of luxuries. I don't want you to think I will be giving up frivolous things. I mean I drive a paid for 2005 Nissan Altima. Adam's car is a company car. Adam and I bought a 1960s 3BR 2 bath house that was well within our budget! I am a big TJ Maxx shopper. Adam and I have no credit card debt, only I have student loans! Yes, there are times when I WANT something nice (like I am dying for a pair of TB Revas) but it's rare. (Of course like any woman I could make a list a mile long of luxeries I would like to have -but then reality sets in!) Usually I want to "fix" or upgrade something in our home. And now, I constantly want Addison to have the cutest clothes :) My husband does without a lot. Neither of us have an expensive hobby. We love Auburn football but we don't go to EVERY game or anything! So you see, we really do lead pretty simple (but wonderfully blessed) lives!
When I think about everything above I think, we really do live a pretty normal life! Nothing extravagant! Yet, it scares the crap out of me not to have my income contributing to our family. If I stay at work for a while then I am afraid I will "get used to" not being at home with her everyday! And I DO NOT WANT THAT!
I know there are a lot of moms out there that stay at home and a lot that are working moms. I am eager to hear your opinion on this topic and any advice you have for me!
Here are my biggest worries and scares: (this is honest and hard to make public but I want your opinions and advice so here you go)
- Will I regret the decision 6 months from now and want my job back?
- How do I know if being a SAHM is REALLY for me???
- Will I go stir crazy being at home all the time?
- Will I resent Adam and Addison one day (subconsciously)?
- How do some women do it all? How do they: attend a Bible study (or just study daily alone), be a member of Junior League or some other organization, entertain, clean, give baths, cook dinner, go to the gym, "please" their husband, play with their child AND work 40 hours a week??? That list is giving me a panic attack just typing it! Seriously, HOW???
I know I am new to all of this, but I can't fathom how I can do all of that and be the best wife and mother I can be and work 40 hour weeks! I have high anxiety and always have so you can imagine what I am feeling right now!
I am open to any and all advice! I know I might get some negative comments on this but I want to hear from all different types of mothers/women that are all in different situations.
I hope this made some kind of sense, probably not since my head it all over the place! :)
My sweet Addison is such a good baby! When I look at her when I get home, I could just cry that I had to leave her all day. I mean how could you not just kiss all over these cheeks??